C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
