I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
