You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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