I've blown a few things in my day
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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