it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
