I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
