My nipple is on Facebook.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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