you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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