Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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