Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
