Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
