If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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