I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
