I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
