Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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