i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
