I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Pants are for mortals
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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