I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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