Christians are straight up FREAKS
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
