I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
