Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
