I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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