Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
