if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
please come you make the beer taste better
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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