Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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