dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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