Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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