I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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