I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
