Tell her she can't have a vagina
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
