i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
