the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
