She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
