I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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