remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
