just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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