you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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