You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
