someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
