She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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