mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
false alarm, still single
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
