Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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