I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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