My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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