Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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