i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
