Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
