You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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