How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My bed smells like the plague
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
