During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
