im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
