1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
